Wednesday, October 27, 2010

On "Nigh-Nigh"

One of my favorite moments of the day, is when Elijah and Ezra say "nigh-nigh, kisses, and love you" to each other just before retiring. It is filled with such love that I feel so blessed to witness.

And just a little while later, I cherish holding my growing-too-quickly baby boy while his breathing retards and his chubby hand touches my bare skin, either on my neck, chest or face. His head becomes weighted and rests perfectly on my bosom. He has shown a preference to my left side; it must be more cushiony. Elijah once told me, "I love you mommy, you're soft." Sometimes, Ezra is giddy before drifting off; he'll laugh or talk in a sing-songy manner. Every now and then, he predicts that I'll sing to him and will begin, "Geeee,...." and continue to sing as he expects me to sing "Jesus Loves Me."

I try to inhale his baby-ness, the amazing-ness of those moments. I just want to hold him and rock him because one day I'll turn around and he'll be 7 asking why he has to pick up food from the floor, telling me "I'm not the janitor."

Sunday, October 10, 2010

On being...

Elijah has been playing with friends all weekend and Ezra has had 3 hour naps and I have had some stolen moments just to be. As Ezra watched Elijah and a neighbor play Hungry Hungry Hippo, another neighbor gifted me a homemade candy apple. I chomped away at this childhood treasure loving that the hard candy refused to break down between my teeth. Some of the sweetness melted and landed on my arm, shirt, chin.

I took in the Halloween decorations on the windows,the lit acrylic pumpkin and the red roses, yellow mums and daisies I bought myself yesterday. The children's laughter and childhood became background music to my delectable moments on the couch with my front door wide open as fall ripened before me.

Friday, October 1, 2010

On My Birthday

Last year, I was obsessed with cleaning my closet. Little did I know what my personal new year would include. One item that I kept in my closet while I was de-cluttering had grown simultaneously so misshapen, shrunken and over-sized that it slunk to the floor of the closet. The fabric frayed and faded as I held on hoping it could be fixed. The article took on a life of it's own and therefore determined when it had enough of being in my life.

Year 32 is over.

The decade of when I arrived in Maryland at 22 and 10 months has trudged along in so many ways, but last week it trudged right past me and I waved gleefully. I'm grateful for the 10 years, but am thrilled they are gone with more painful memories than I care to recount.

I feel a certain freedom from all of the different articles that tried their best to dress me into a woman I would never be. I am excited to enter into a time period where I am free to be me in every aspect.