On being a mother/On loving my children

February 13, 2009
I look at you (Ezra) and think I’ve never seen anything, anyone more beautiful. How could this be? I don’t remember feeling this way with my first child. I just think over and over how beautiful. It can only be love. It’s amazing. I was only slightly disappointed that you weren’t a girl. I should have known in so many ways.
When we had your ultrasound and the tech said, do you want to know what you’re having. I almost said it’s a boy isn’t it, for her to know so surely, so quickly it must be a boy or it was just my instinct. I also had a dream that when you came out at first you were a girl, then you changed into a boy. And I was only a little disappointed but then thought, well you’re Ezra Daniel. We loved your name and once we found it, never deviated from it like we did with girl names (clue #3). And your birth happened like my dream. As they pulled you out of the gaping hole in my body, I saw a beautiful mass of coal black hair and thought it’s a girl. And then they said it’s a boy and turned you around for me to confirm with my own eyes. Disappointed for half a second and then I thought, it’s Ezra and was elated to finally see you, to have you.
I’m so grateful and I just love that you’re finally here, my Valentine baby Ezra Daniel. How blessed we are! How beautiful you are! What else is there? But amazing love.