On church

Written in church service on 11-15-09

This morning my son ran into my room at 6:30 and said, "church." I had to tell him to go back to bed, it was too early and we had plenty of time to make it to church.
His eagerness came from the last few (many) Sundays I used the excuse of "mommy woke up too late." And other Sundays, the lame "I'm tired." And on Saturdays, the worst of all, "we'll see.." I'm not sure how he was able to set his internal clock to ensure that this Sunday mommy woke up on time. He was relentless and I wanted to go for him.
I've had a hard time with church for many years, boredom or severe feeling of lack, or not knowing where God was in my life, fatigue, wanting to stay at home with my family (my husband doesn't attend), congregation too conservative, not spirited enough, overly dramatic, Sunday a.m. club, no meat, just potatoes, "too real".....
It's quite silly, because I sound like my students excuse after excuse, needing to be entertained in order to receive education. We teachers complain we aren't "ring-masters" and don't want to put on a three-ringed circus. We want students to be serious, to value education, receive it and actively participate.
Church shouldn't be a three-ringed circus (and though I've been to some that are close to that exciting atmosphere--it's not what I'm looking for). A serious Christian doesn't need rockets blasting to have an encounter with Christ.
What is wrong with me that the rituals are annoying, the organ feels heavy, the hymns bland, the sermon paprika or garnish, not even veggies or comforting starches. I want meat, tender and juicy, a full plate and to feel chills when the liturgical dancers praise him and empowered to slay whatever comes my way. I want more.
I've searched and can't find...
There is one place that I thoroughly enjoyed, felt filled, worshiped and praised Him fully, but it's too far away. I've moved twice and both times further away from this place that I've felt like was right for me to worship, praise and receive a good word. Look, I've added another excuse to my roll.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this church thing..keep trying...finding other ways to have the encounters I need... I'm just not sure...